• WTF

How Becoming a Mom at 40 has its advantages👶🏻

Updated: Aug 18, 2020



What it is like becoming a parent after 40 – The hilarious version!!🤣 "I must keep her alive forever"

I never wanted children, I was happy to live life with dogs and travel. After many unsuccessful and horrid relationships, I met my hubby at age 40. He had 2 daughters already.

I told him I was not sure if I ever wanted kids and he was ok with it. We settled on a wedding date the following year.

But then I kept saying to him, who will inherit my house, who will visit me in the old age home, who will look after my pets if I die, who do I leave my diamonds too. Crap like this was running through my head. Anyways, he is a wonderful dad and I thought maybe I should have a baby.

Due to being so indecisive, he threw my Pill away 23 Dec 2011. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. Bye Bye Yasmine.

My gynae said it might take 8 months to conceive. Well I was preggers in 2 months. I was like WTF...am I ready for this?? Wedding had been planned and I was not postponing this day.

I had an amazing, easy pregnancy, no morning sickness, no back ache, gained 18 kgs, had very swollen feet and legs, and being short, I probably looked like a teletubby.

We took the compulsory maternity ward tour at the hospital. They were doing renovations at the maternity ward, and had made a make-shift birthing room, I was going 'natural' at the time. When I saw this ugly room with the gas cylinder...apparently this is what you puff on for the pains, and due to being a public holiday period, I must not count on anesthetist being around, I was like F#@* This, I aren’t going natural no more. I remember crying at the hospital after this tour, saying this is not how it looks on TV. Hubby laughed. I was not happy. Called Gynae the Monday morning and booked that c-section. I wanted a theatre and a room full of nurses. Not some gas I must puff. Oh, you can play your own CD they said, if I go natural. Really? Your koek is being stretched and I must puff on gas and play some fave songs and be ok? Um no...

My daughter was born 2 Jan 2013 (she was due 1 Jan). 2 months before I turned 42. C-section.

When they took her out, I was like Oooooh...um ok. So, what do I do now? Everyone in the movie’s cries from joy...I was like f#@*, I must keep her alive forever.

That night after an awkward 1st breastfeed, I called hubby and said she may stay, I have bonded and love her.

I think being an older mom has many advantages. You do not take k*k. I was on this planet 1st, my rules. You do not read every book and follow it to the tee, you do not rush home for nap times, you don't try to be mother earth and breastfeed until they are age 2.

If I were out at a restaurant and it was noisy, well that is how she would sleep in the pram. I breastfed, expressed, and used formula. I had loads of milk, jeepers I think my boobs were like 36G at the time, but she hated all dummies (all R900 of them) and comfort sucked. Now for a busy mom, I cannot sit with a baby on each boob for 45 minutes. Momma also needs to eat, shower, poop and do washing. Hence the mixture. Some days I would want chocolate, spicy foods, and wine, which means you need to wait a few hours to express, which was often at 2am. So, we winged it. She grew beautifully and is now our pride and joy.

She is 7, her middle sister is 13 and the eldest is nearly 20.

I love her crazy ways. My husband says she gets her stubbornness from me.

As much as her and I love each other, oh my word do we fight. From her cheekiness (normal at this age but so irritating - always told others MY child would not be like one of THOSE...well here I have one of those lol), her untidiness and what she wears. Homework - off the chart’s fights. Let’s not even go there. I have a new respect for teachers during this Covid time. Home Schooling is harsh man.

I love her crazy sense of humour. Sadly, it is as rude as mine. Farts and bums are always the main topics of jokes. Buttack...whatever that means...is her favourite word. I get asked if I know who Arianne Grande is, like I am too old to know? Or if I know how Tik Tok works....no I actually am clueless, but I lie and tell her that I do, cos I’m trendy and hip like that, even though I’m totally in the dark re this app.

I am not a stressed mom from following the rulebook, like I see many do when they have kids early in life.

I love hanging out with the other mommies, even though they are so much younger than me by 10 years. I will just need to botox more.

Her friends and besties I feel are like my kids and I so enjoy the banter and things they chat about. I realize how much they look up to their mommies and impersonate what we do, from our nails, make-up, what goes into our handbags and how we speak on the cell phone, it is hysterical to watch.

The disadvantage of being an older mom, is that I will be 60 when she is in matric. hopefully I can still botox then and look as hot as the moms that are in their mid 40's. I really pray I get to see my grandkids one day, but we know that might not be a reality, as we tell all the girls to travel, find themselves, become independent, and then settle down.

For her 7th birthday she got my old cell phone, she is on whatsapp with family only. I love the Saturday morning voice messages of "I love you Mom" I receive. It makes this journey so amazing.

Then it is followed by "Your butt is so big...giggle giggle...I am hungry Mom"...


This limited edition version was brought to you by no other than Janine Swanich Atkins aka The Diva herself💋

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